Chapter 31 : MATRIMONY

August 2, 2010

 

Marry-Go-Round

These are what I hate about wedding : what to wear, and bunch of happy straight couples.

Damn, I’m soooo doomed ! Tau gini ga usah kelakar ide nemenin si Joey segala.

Okay, sekarang kita ber-empat sudah di kapel, duduk tengah di kursi memanjang. 

My first impression: what a splendid wedding !

I mean, it was PERFECT. The flowers, the candles, and not to mention the best men. They’re all well-groomed men. All straight, sadly.

“No wonder Chris. The groom is gay. And He has excellent taste.” bisik Joey.

“Udah liat foto pre-wed mereka didepan tadi, Joey?” Cyrrus dan Keith datang telat dan langsung menyambar tempat kosong di sebelah.

“Udah. Dan kayanya center of attention on every pics is on the bride, deh. This wedding is about her. Kayanya cewenya lebih mendominasi ntar dalam berumah tangga. Nyeremin.” saya cuma menaikkan alis.

“Have u seen the bride, guys? Her boobs are so huge, that ‘they’ hit my face even before I say hi to her !” ini anak kok sinis terus begini sih. Jadi ga enak sama tamu depan-belakang. Arrrh !

Jujur, saya sendiri sebenernya juga engga suka konsep pernikahan. Apa-apaan coba, cinta kok pake ginian segala.

“I just don’t believe in marriage. Its just some kind of Priest’s practical joke. Even the priest never got married !” setuju Keith !

Well, sebenernya enggak boleh juga sih sinis sama pernikahan. 

I mean, I’ve never been married. Its just like judging something that u don’t even know.

Siapa tahu pernikahan itu arti sebenarnya dari cinta. I don’t know. 

Takut kualat juga teriak-teriak, “Lihat yeh elu-elu pada, sumpah tai tokek gua ga bakal nikah !” bikin keselek juga liat binan-binan tua pada nikah ujungnya. Pada nyerah. Pada nikah.

“I will marry someone today. Men. Women. Man-whore. Whore. Whoever. I want to be on that spot : ALTAR. Cuz as I seen, A wedding anniversary is the celebration of  love, faith, partnership, acceptance and persistence.  HELLO FAIRYTALE !!” Ok people, u heard these words from sweetie-botie Cyrrus.

“Baby-Cy, for me, a wedding ceremony is really the final scene of the fairy-tale. They never tell you what happens after...” smash Joey telak.

“Will you marry someone, someday, Joe?” tanya saya.

“Dear me. I'm not that desperate. I am so hot that if it was legal, I would marry myself.”

 

For Better or Worse.

“I really cant wait for the VOW SESSION. Waktu pendeta bilang : marry him for better or worse. I would shout loudly – BUT NOT FOR GOOD !!” Geez Joey.

“It’s a heaven thing! Don’t  dare u do that ! Sssshh !!”

Keith ngikik, “Baby Cy, if marriage made in heaven, then what are made in hell?”

“The day after marriages. HAHAHAHH!” Joey ngakak dibarengi Keith. All eyes on us!

Oke. Suara Grand piano dimulai. Here comes Joey’s ex. Joey cuma bisa menunduk melihatnya melintas menuju altar.

Then the bride… I can’t even say it. She looks uber gorgeous. Her flawless radiant face. Her smells. Her smile. Not a fake happiness.

Kami baru benar-benar diam dan kaku setelah melihat sang Ayah dari the-bride menangis di sampingnya sambil mengantarnya menuju altar. Perlahan, menyesapi langkah demi langkah.

That bulky-men-look-like-a-hongkong-mafia is crying! What a melting moment!

Matrimony never been this beautiful in my eyes.

“Sudah aku relain. Semoga dia happy sama kehidupan barunya. Bagaimanapun, dia berhak memilih kehidupan yang lebih baik kan…” gumam Joey super pelan.

Saya menggenggam tangan kirinya erat. “It’s gonna be okay. Release him from your heart. Accept the reality. And get your life back. You know we love you.” Dan sekilas mantannya sempat melempar senyum dua detik ke arah tempat kami duduk.

Then we smile. 

I never thought wedding ceremony can bring sweet and warm feeling. Unlike the other wedding.

---

“Gua pulang belakangan yah. Kalian pulang ndiri aja.” Kata Joey.

“Mau ngapain elu? Yang nikah aja udah pulang.”

“Have you seen the pianist? He’s hot as hell, Baby-Cy.”

“And he’s straight as hell !! I know him at the gym. Gua ulang : Dia bukan binan !”

“Never heard of my skill? Membengkokkan semua yang lurus.” Kedipnya sambil masuk ke dalam gereja lagi.

 

By. C

Chapter 30 : Post Break Up Trauma

July 16, 2010

 

The Present Joey.

Do you remember Joey, my ex-besties from chapter 7?  

Beberapa bulan yang lalu setelah dia mencoba pacaran lagi, akhirnya putus lagi.

Damn ! I feel a bit guilty, karena meyakinkan dia untuk menjatuhkan hatinya.

This morning he’s texting me to meet up. “Don’t forget to bring Keith. And yes, Cyrrus. I'm missing him slash my biggest enemy, anyway..”

“That’s not your fault, potato-head ! Salah dia ndiri ga bisa maintain hubungan. Don’t you ever feel guilty. At all. He is bad romance!” Kata Cyrrus dalam perjalanan.

Well, I just can’t.

Jadi usut punya usut, ternyata dia putus karena pacarnya mau nikah bulan depan. 

Oh god, CHECK MATE !!

Here we are. Party of four. Just like the old formation. Just like the old time. 

Before Joey done something wrong to us. (I forgave him, anyway =p)

“Wow. You look so skinny, Joe. How you do it?” Buka saya.

“Yeah.. Try being dumped by ur boyfriend, received wedding invitation, and pretending that you are fine for the whole week with drinking Smirnoff.”

“Euch.. that’s the diet I wont be trying.” Kata Keith.

And here’s Cyrrus. Dia memberanikan diri duduk di sebelah Joey.

“You okay, Joey?”

“I’m good Baby-Cy. How are you?”

“Still single. Still mingle. A bit desperate for the real love.”

“My former hubby is getting married next month. And the bride is way prettier than me.”

“You win, Joey. You always win.” Lalu kami semua diam.

“What about you treat me Mango Blast or should we get two pain-killer pills ?” keduanya terbahak.

 

 

(Back to) The Old Joey.

Joey memutuskan untuk menjadi yang dulu : Top bitch with bunch of lovers, and none of them serious.

Playing the poker face. Playing love gambling. Playing around and swipe the card until it reaches the limit.

Use all the vouchers, baby !! Swipe the card till drop !!

“To the point aja. Gua ini enggak cocok pacaran. Some of you are meant to be together with someone. And mine? Nasib gua ini ya single dan main-main terus aja. So please, don’t push me to be in relationship again. Ever !” tertohok deh ah!!

It seems like he has sorrow that even heaven can’t heal.

Ini nih yang bikin orang trauma abis putus. Takut disakitin lagi. Jadinya pelariannya ke macem-macem. Kemana aja deh, asal bisa lupain yang kemarin secara kilat.

Well, let’s see deh. And however, saya lebih suka ngeliat si Joey single. Kesannya lebih hidup, lebih fun, dan ga kusut kaya begini lah!

--

“I decide to not coming to the wedding ceremony.”

“What? Why? Disitu elu bisa nunjukin kalo elu oke-oke aja tanpa dia.” Kata saya.

“Gimana kalo malah entar gua nangis didepan mereka?”

“That’s why we, four of us, are coming with u, stupid queen!” kata saya lagi.

Mereka bertiga melongo, kompak. Tanpa saya.

(to be continued...)

For all those sorrow hearts : No matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal, you'll never get through it without your friends. =)

 

By : C

Chapter 29 : Fight For Love

July 5, 2010

For those who falls in love :

Yes, I am in love.

The writer of this blog is falling in love =)

Duluuu banget, waktu jaman masih gendutan dikit dan facebook (FS boro-boro) belum ada, saya rajin baca blog binan indo dan pasangannya yang sampe sekarang hepi di Texas sana.

They made fusion-sushi together, jogging together, anything together.

I was soo envy the writer! I feel like that thing won’t ever happen to me.

I mean … Me? Please!! I was 80kilos with fugly hair-do and still confused about my sexual-preferences. Dulu nangis-nangis kenapa saya kok suka cowo. Sekarang malah gembor-gembor bangga jadi binan. =p

Saya sudah jadi lajang jalang dua tahun setelah putus dari pacar pertama saya. Belasan date dan belasan kesempatan mencoba dengan orang lain. Paling lama? Dua bulan bersama, abis itu bubye. Ilang feeling. How could I be so heartless, yah?

And BOOM !! He appears =)

Dia hadir disaat saya berhenti mengejar. Berhenti berharap. Dan menerima keadaan.

Maybe ZEN was right, u just have to be slow down and everything you are chasing will come around to catch you.

Jadi intinya. Diam saja. Bahkan dalam diam, tangan-tangan tak terlihat itu tetap bekerja. Cetak biru kita sudah di-set sama yang dilangit sana.

He melts me. He neutralizes me. He's a crush. He’s a crash !!

“Don't find love, let love finds you. That's why it's
 called falling in love, because you don't force 
yourself to fall, you just fall..” oceh saya pada Keith dan Cyrrus suatu hari.

For once, stop looking for love. It will find you when you need it most. You wont find it when you look. When you look, your looking all the wrong places and your looking because you’re obsessed. Stop looking. It will find you.

And now, whenever I read those blogs about the 'perfect guy', I smile to myself because I know that I already have him♥.

For those who gave up for love :

I’ve been in this situation. My heart being broken by someone, then, instead of healing my pain, I decide to break many hearts. Yes it’s fun, but what you got? Being top bitch only fun when u got victim.

Saya sendiri juga jadi skeptic dan sarkas soal cinta. LOVE? THERE’S NO SUCH THING LIKE THAT !!

There are times that I miss the feeling of being in love. But each time I recall how much it hurts.. 
I’d rather choose to miss it 
than to feel it again ...

Everyone says LOVE HURTS, but that's not true.

Loneliness hurts. Cheating hurts. Rejectionhurts.Deception hurts. Losing someone hurts. Everyone gets this thing confused with LOVE.

But in reality, Love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again.

Everyone in life is going to hurt you, you just have to figure out which people are worth the pain.

And don’t ever tell me that you are lonely because you can’t find any love.

Are u blind? You can find love in family, friends, even your own pillow!

For those who fights for love:

What do you do when someone stops loving you?

Well, you cry a little and then you wait for the sun to come out. It always does.

Don’t worry! Everyone is irreplaceable. One down, hundreds to go, people!

And please, stop wasting your time looking for the perfect lover but instead, you can create a perfect love. Sometimes, all you have to do is shut up and holding your couple’s hands.

Once again, stop doing anything, sit together then smile to him. Kenapa banyak orang putus setelah bertengkar? Karena mereka tidak tahu cara duduk bersama dan berbicara apa yang error dalam hubungan mereka.

So, Yes. Fight for what are you believe in. Stop collecting stones around you while a big diamond is in front of you, people =)

--

Ps: for My dear-dear : I don't know much 
about love, but I'll spend lifetime learning with you.

Happy 1^st anniversary =)

By. C

Chapter 28 : From Coffee to Sex

July 2^nd, 2010

 

What are you normally do when you are single and dating nobody?

Chris   >> Being single is like a vacuum cleaner...it sucks when you're turned on. Daripada sama vacuum cleaner, well, let’s get the real one!

Cyrrus   >>  Falling into chocolate !! Then I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. Lord, I wish McDonald’s has new French Fries variant menu called McDillDough !

Keith   >>  Dating nobody? It means no companion in bed, true? Well, I will pretend and to feel like a porn star in my own room, and surrounded by ten dicks !! Yeah baby !!

Wesley   >>  I don’t need to have sex, gays ! Many problem in my life and government  fuck me everyday in every direction !

Keith   >>  Wo’hoo ! Siapa sekarang yang sarkas soal being single yaah. That’s the reason u need to be kind to everybody, heartless boy!

Cyrrus   >>  Euch.. My cock doesn’t talk politic, please !!

Wesley   >> Would you like to keep your teeth in good shape, gays? Then mind your own business!

Then we are LoL-ing. Enjoying our Dark Mocha on maroonsofa as usual, ditemani Wesley si boti tua. He just broke up last week and need to through his hard moment with us.

“You know what? You guys are like condoms, always be there when things get hard.” Thanks dear Wesley =)

Kami biarkan si Wesley ngoceh lagi. “If they can send one man to the moon, why can't they send them all? Especially the jerk one!!”

“And you know what, I think I need a space. You know, menyendiri dirumah, tidur sampe puas. Bercocok tanam di kebun belakang kalo perlu.”

Keith hampir ngakak, “If you need a space, you could work at NASA. They are hiring monkey astronaut now.” LMAO !

--

“Kenapa kita suka minum coffee ya? Gay mostly.” Tanya Wesley yang notabene owner this fancy coffee shop.

“I dunno, dear. I prefer Wine and Whiskey actually. Tapi coffee paling nenangin. Hot Dark Mocha or Hot Caramel Macchiato could heal ur sorrow in a minute.” Kata Cyrrus.

“Cuz coffee brings me serenity and warmth. I like all kind of coffees. Sour, sweet, bitter, pungent, all must be tasted. That’s coffee. Just like love =)” Kata saya.

Keith berdiri sambil memegang hot cinnamon coffee nya dalam cangkir kecil, “I am up for everything from coffee to sex. Sometimes a hot cup of coffee with a hot man is better than sex…”

“… and sex with the hot man after coffee? Well, that’s just dessert!” tutupnya.

 

Aww !!

Sip your coffee and keep reading this blog, fellas =)

 

By.C

Chapter 27 : The Grey Area

June 14, 2010

Define "normal" !! 

Kemarin ada yang tanya, “What gays normally do?”

Dan saya cuma bisa balas, “What is normal anyway?”

Ujung-ujungnya si straight ini nanya, kalo gay ML-nya itu gimana? Kissing-nya gimana? Pacarannya gimana?

Saya jadi agak kesal. Maksudnya apa sih? Ngajak lomba toyor kepala kayanya ini cowo.

“Ya normal lah! As straight people do!” balas saya lagi.

Berapa kali saya harus bilang, kalau kami ini hanya berbeda di mindset otak yang sexual preference-nya ke cowo dan hanya berlaku abnormal kalo udah masuk ranjang (sofa, anak tangga, bawah shower, mobil kadang). 

Sisanya? NORMAL!

We breathe. We love. We mourn. 

We sad. We cheer. We pray. We cursed. 

We cry. We smile. We mad. We debate. We laugh.

I don’t see difference between gay and straight. 

Bagaimanapun, menjadi gay hanyalah sebagian kecil dari diri kita. Tidak merubah cara mengambil sikap dan tetap manusia seutuhnya. Menjadi gay tidak mencuri secuil kebijakan pun dari dirimu.

It’s our grey area.

Tempat dimana hitam bisa menjadi putih. Dan putih bisa menyamar menjadi hitam sesekali. It’s an escape, actually. A great hidden place.

Dan kita mempersilahkan warna apapun masuk. Karena kami bisa melembutkan warna apapun hingga berfusi dan meneduhkan kekontrasan yang ada.

---

I dreamed a dream, suatu hari, kaum kami ini disejajarkan dengan dua gender yang sudah ada. Pria dan wanita. Jadi kami lebih suka dipanggil gender ketiga : GAY. Bukan julukan bencong, transexual, apalagi waria kecimpringan.

I dreamed a dream, suatu hari, kami mempunyai wakil untuk suara kami. Wakil yang bisa menyambungkan pikiran kami dengan segala pergunjingan yang ada dan meluruskannya.

I dreamed a dream, suatu hari, kaum kami menjadi legal. Silakan buat aturan dan larangan tentang apa yang harus kami lakukan dan tidak lakukan, karena hal itu sebenarnya membuat kami merasa menjadi salah satu dari insan manusia.

Well. It’s just a dream anyway.

---

Dan dia tanya lagi, “Emang kalo ML gitu, kalian enggak kena AIDS?”

Okay, this person needs to know more what AIDS is. “Bigboy. You’re 28 years old and so naïve.” End of the conversation, saya hapus PIN dia dari BBM contact list saya !!

Don’t you ever hear about condom and safe sex !!!

---

Malamnya saya coba nonton serial Will and Grace. Dimana disitu satu wanita normal dan satu pria gay yang sama-sama dewasa, hidup satu atap.

One perfect example for a world peace =)

Ada satu adegan, teman Will si Jack, nasehatin sama si Will :

 

Jack            :            Men don’t like to be chased. They like to do the chasing!

Will            :            But we are both men !!

Jack            :            Oh damn. We are in ugly area..

 

I LAUGH MY ASS OFF !!!

 

 

By.C

Chapter 26 : Vengeance

June 9, 2010

 

Ditch the Bitch.

Hari ini ada satu binan ngeselin yang tau-tau duduk di kursi 2+2 kami. 

And I blame Cyrrus for this !

“Biigg sorry fella! Abisnya kalo dia engga gua layanin, dia suka nyakitin dirinya sendiri. Jedotin kepalanya ke tembok, mainin silet ke pahanya, terus nelen aspirin kaya ngunyah tic-tac aja.” Conference dia dalam telepon kami bertiga.

“Lagian elu dapet darimana siluman labil begituan? Cakep sih cakep !  Gaya sih EMO ! Tapi jangan buang puntung rokok sama teriak ngakak ke arah kita dong !!” Keith diujung sana pasti lagi pengen pake biceps gedenya buat nge-jab si emo labil tadi.

Saya cuman diam dan cuma bisa merintih iya-ho’oh-iya aja karena lagi sibuk maskeran. Hormon saya yang stabil diacak-acak anak labil hari ini. Jadi muncul jerawat satu dah ah !!

“Ditch him! Mumpung belum jadian, stoopido!” itu kata-kata terakhir saya sebelum masker mulai mongering. Abis ini diem aja, takut retak.

“Gak bisaaaah!” ngondeknya keluar lagi ini binan cantik.

“Why not?!” bentak Keith.

“Cuz I love his style! His fierce face! What a hot emo boy!”

“Iya, entar ML-nya dicekokin vodka cap kucing cerai dulu, disulutin rokok dulu, disiletin kentinya dulu, dijedotin pantat lu ke beling dulu.” Saya hampir kelepasan ngakak denger sarkasme Keith barusan.

Cyrrus kedengaran mendengus panjang disana. “Fine. I’ll ditch him. Damn, my fantasy about being fucked by sexy EMO boy is no longer exist.”

“And what’s your next fantasy? Disedot abang-abang tukang sedot septic-tank?”

Dan saya pun ngakak.

Masker retak.

Bangsatttt !!!!

---

 

Dan akhirnya Baby-Cy memutuskan… “Ilang feeling. Totally. Zero !”

“Good puppy!” seru saya.

“Tapi dia masih ngejar! Ini barusan dia sms, bentar lagi mau nyusul kesini!” saya dan Cyrrus sontak cepat-cepat menghabiskan dark-mocha kami.

“Ayo Keith! Kok malah nyulut rokok baru sih?” Saya sudah berdiri dan Cyrrus sudah hentak-hentak kaki sendiri.

“No. I stay. Biar gua kasih pelajaran itu anak labil.

“HAH???!!”

“Udah sono! Lu berdua pulang dulu aja lah. Shooh !!”

“Okay beb! Thx ! I owe you one!”

---

 

AJAIB ! Si EMO labil langsung sms ke Cyrrus malemnya : SORRY FOR ALL !! wont bother u anymore. And wont kill myself for u !!

Cyrrus lega. Tapi dia merasa tak diinginkan lagi. He hates this kinda feeling.

“Lu ngomong apa ke dia, Keith?” tanyanya dalam conference phone kami bertiga.

“Nothing. Gua cuma bilang gini : Do you need me to slap you and yelling at you that Cyrrus is not into you ??!! Plus adegan nyincing leher bajunya pastinya.”

“Gitu doang? Swear lu waria berotot?” pekik saya girang.

“That’s the truth. Buy it or toss it.”

----

 

Malamnya, Cyrrus masih penasaran. Dibalas lah sms si EMO labil itu :

OH OKAY.. BUT WHY?

Semenit kemudian si EMO bales : Soalnya gua mau ngejar Keith. Kayanya dia lebih galak dan bisa kontrol kelakuan gua… #######

Lalu sms sambungannya… :

AND HIS SEX THIS AFTERNOON… OH MAN ! FUCKING AWESOME !

 

Cy menganga lebar : EMO-WHOREEEEEEE !!!!!

 

By.C

Chapter 25 : Fairytale & Shit-tale

June 8, 2010

 

The Fairytopia.

Once upon a time, in not-so-far away, there’s one happy gay couple.

They got a superb house, fabulous cars, fine clothes, and YES, ALL THOSE EYES ARE STARRING AT THEM WITH FULL OF ENVY !! –for more than 5 years.

Saya kenal “istrinya” alias bottomnya. 

I adore him! What a lady-like! I want to be like him someday : hidup tenang bersama spouse-nya, got everything, and nothing to think about.

“Your life seems like a fairytale yah, Ko..” simpul saya sambil menyeruput english breakfast-tea. It was his idea for asking me out at this well-priced tea-shop. His treat, of course !

Dia menyelesaikan earl-grey nya dengan lembut. “Biasa saja lah, Chris.. Time goes by so slowly. And goes by… and goes by… It’s getting boring actually.”

“So? How do you maintain your spare time?”

“Grab another dick.” Katanya kilat.

Saya melongo sambil tetap memegang pegangan cangkir, seperti kebo ndomblong abis ngeliat ada pinguin lewat di sawah.

“Watefak?!” omigod, I did curse at this fancy tea-shop.

“It helps yah.. Daripada aku do drugs seperti lainnya. And I’d rather do dick than golf-stick…”

Telinga saya cekot-cekot. Sepertinya tahi kuping barusan ikut keluar gara-gara pengakuan barusan.

“Hah? Another DICK ?!” there again, dan saya pasti sudah di blacklist di tea-shop ini.

Saya berbisik, “Itu artinya kamu.. se-ling-kuh kan, dee-arh?”

“Oh it’s not cheating when your hubby allows it. He did the same way anyway.. So, u may call it as a win-win solution.” Senyumnya nakal.

I don’t get it !!

My fairytale dream was falling apart so sudden after heard this kind of story from my muse. 

He was sooo Audrey Hepburn ! Now I feel like he’s just a perfect example of Gabriel Soliz on desperate housewives tv series.

Dia menutup high-tea time itu dengan satu konklusi yang berhasi membuat saya terjaga semalam suntuk 

: DON’T GET ME WRONG... SOMETIMES, WHAT U WANT IS NOT WHAT U NEED. 

AND WHAT U NEED, IS NOT ALWAYS WHAT U WANT. 

AND SOMETIMES BAD PIZZA BETTER THAN EXPENSIVE CROISSANT.

 

 

The Shittopia.

Sementara jutaan pasangan gay lainnya masih berkutat mencari soulmate dan harus menghadapai masalah putus-jadian-nyambung, 

saya kok malah melihat pasangan tadi sebagai salah satu “Love Practical Joke”

It is like Cinderella who is sick of her glass-shoes and cheating on Studed Leather Choo’s.

Where’s the happily ever after? Even Shrek and Fiona have it !

Rupanya banyak kasus yang kaya gitu terjadi. Jadi mereka berprinsip, daripada pacaran mereka yang sudah berlangsung tahunan itu putus, lebih baik tetap bersama, dengan ikatan sedikit lebih longgar.

Its more like… BROTHERHOOD..

“And I don’t fuck my own brother. Any kind of brother !!” lantang saya.

“Well, that sounds promising actually. Ga mau kan yah seumur idup cuma diranjang sama satu orang?” ga kaget Keith komen gituan.

“I dreamed a dream.. One long-lasting relationship. Like.. 50years? Sampe kakek-kakek. Tua bersama…” Kata Cyrrus.

“What? Fucked by one guy for 50 years in a row? What a shit-tale nightmare!”

LoL Keith !

 

By.C