Chapter 18 : Kinky Fantasy

March 1st, 2010

(dedicated to the kinkiest-BDSM lover- Mr.Jo-Chan)

Fabrice duduk di kursi 2+2 kami sambil menceritakan betapa sex terakhirnya begitu menyiksa. “I thought handcuffs was kinky and sexy, tapi kalo pas diborgol dan elu mepet tembok terus pejantan elu tetep nyeruduk tanpa henti. Guess what happened ?”

“What? BDSM always sexy in your fantasy kan ?” kata saya.

“Enggak kalo kepala elu kebentur2 tembok bermenit-menit sementara pejantan elu merem aja dan mengira AH-UH-AH elu itu pertanda enak. Gua berasa kaya disiksa ibu tiri !!”

Keith ngakak, “The pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable, baby !! I always hate BDSM !”

“Tau gitu gua kan ML pake tangan aja, Keith !”

“Masturbation is only for desperate and pathetic people, Hon.”

“Well, at least the good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it!!!” tambah saya.

“Kenapa fantasy elu kudu kinky sih, Fab? Wig, scarf, handcuffs. What’s next? Feather?” Cyrrus jadi bergidik sendiri.

Fabrice jadi sumringah, “Been there, done that ! Well recommended !”

Cyrrus tambah ngeri, “Euch Fab.. Euchhh..”

“Baby Cy, Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken. That’s me, kinky! U have to try feather!” Fab tak terima kalau Kinky dinilai aneh. Bagi dia, fantasy orang kan beda-beda.

Tapi kami jadi ngeri sama ini botti, mau gituan aja pake alat-alat sama skenario duluan. 

What’s next ? Naugty salesman with big-batik book and slutty customer? LoL

“It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the dogs.” Tambah Fabrice lagi. 

Kami ngakak. Way to go, sister!

--- 

Fabrice kembali ke topik semula. “Jadi, gua mutusin buat enggak ML lagi sama si sexy hunky Koh Jim itu.”

Cyrrus merengut, “Moron! Gua aja rela kalo seluruh tubuh gua ditimpa atau dijedotin. He’s a catch!”

“But the sex was bad ! He’s so selfish in sex ! Abis cum, langsung ke pantry, minum beer terus mandi. And me ? Still stuck with my handcuffs ! That butthead, erghh !!”

Cyrrus memainkan matanya tak percaya si sexy hunky Jimmy itu segitunya. Coba aja Cyrrus type dia. Ngelayanin fantasy si Jimmy ML di dalam kardus bekas kulkas juga ayuk aja. “Stupid you, Fab.”

“Listen to me Baby Cy, There's nothing better than good sex.  But bad sex?  A  peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex.”

Kami setuju kalau itu!

 

By.C

 

Chapter 17 : Bad Publication!

March 10, 2010

 

I am in RAGE!

Gara-gara waktu lagi gym, temen-temen pada rame di bbm ngomongin cover-story  gay nite yang minggu lalu kami datangin di sebuah club.

Disitu rasanya kaum kami seperti di-diskreditkan. Seolah-olah kami ini melanggar semua norma di dunia gitu ya. Sampe dipojokin sebegitunya. Kaya party-nya buka-buka an aja. Masuk iklan billboard aja kagag !

Emang kenapa kalo ada gay party? Kena charge apa?? Kena pasal ayat berapa? Ga ada kan?

Mendingan itu ‘pervert journalist’ ngebahas rencana rancangan undang-undang “DILARANG GAY PARTY” dulu deh, baru silahkan mojokin kita.

And who are you? The one and the only normal person on this earth ??

Mr.Journalist, can u describe what normal is ? Why should be normal ? Since when abnormal becomes a sin ?

And geez, bahasa anda itu ya, amatiran banget. Nulis lagu JAI HO aja jadi JAI HOE. Mungkin maksud dia lagu “cangkul-cangkul yang dalam”. Dan bahasa-bahasa lainnya, very veeery conservative (in negative way !).

Terus dia bahas kalo kita eksis di café-café tertentu.

So? Ga boleh? Jadi yang abnormal harus ke sanatorium atau minimal sudut jalan remang-remang gitu?

We pay the food, the service, and they are fine with it.

So the problem is in your head, kan? Who’s the moron in here, anyway?

Bad writing, Mr.Journalist ! You just write from what you see and from ur point of view only.

You are friggin shallow.

You better wait for ur turn, shut the door, and do your own business !!

 

Keith >> Kenapa sih ga yang lesbian-lesbian atau waria ajaaa gitu sekali-kali yang dibahas. Kenapa harus selalu binan ?

Cyrrus >> Oh lord be mercy! Pic kita dari belakang jadi cover story !

Chris >> SHITTTTT !!!! Those are our heads  !!!!

I think I know who did this ! That silent Men who sits behind us !

(Masih gondokan, masih shock lihat korannya sampe saat ini. That day, my parents couldn't find the newspaper cuz I’m hiding it.)

by.C

Chapter 16 : One Less Sane Boy

February 17, 2010

 

Akhir-akhir ini, saya geraaah banget! Kita yang diam-diam aja, kelakuannya kalem-kalem aja, tiba-tiba disamain sama para binan yang kelakuannya pada minus.

Satu kasus yang membuat saya punya pikiran begitu. Seminggu lalu, saya kenal mantan gay yang sekarang udah married, trust me, he has an excellent record. Bersih banget hidupnya! Tiba-tiba kami ketemu di gym dan dia bilang, “Era sekarang, kalian bertiga ga ikut-ikutan pose foto ala fierce ga jelas, nulis ala alay di facebook, dan ga pake skinny jeans warna shocking-yellow kan?”

Maluuu banget ditanyain senior panutan saya begitu. Padahal saya enggak ada sangkut pautnya sama kelakuan macam waria birahi begitu.

I am gay! But I still have manners and dress properly!

And this is my blogspot, so I have rights to write anything. So by now, I’ll tell what are my opinions about those friggin faggots :

 

ALAY-en :

wahai anak-anak layangan. U’re gay enough, maybe u’re not cute, but don’t ever try to be cute in the way u write texts. It hurts my eyes!

Beep beep beep! I’m a human from earth, what language do u speak, alay-en? Beep beep! Speak to me with the same language!

So, don’t ever texts me with “Wiuww, gy ngaph ko? Sbux gx? K4n9333nn”

Coz I will text u back with “Heh? Lu pengap? Starbucks? Apaan tuh binary code?” (in many case, I will never reply ur message).

y4Ng Tul!s4Ny4 B36!ni ?

U think that’s cute? Hell no, alay-en!

 

Color-Blinded Gay :

Boys with : weird shades/sunglasses, baju tabrak warna, and hot pants mixed with fur coat? BIG HEEEHHH? I will scream this word out loud “Yeah people, Gaga is in da haussse!” (Gaga, I love u, sorry =p)

Itu dark-pink, sayang! Bukan Red Valentino!

 

 

Camwhore exorcism :

Those combination was captured on a pic, dengan berbagai gaya aneh lainnya. Kaki disilangin ala pose fierce lah. Menclok di jeruji pagar pake bibir mencucu. Ada yang ngepot, ngesot, ngencrot, melotot, melata. Aw mi gadh!

U’re photographed by amateur, queers. Not Diane Arbus or Patrick Demachelier. Even Agyness Deyn wont do that pose, I bet!

 

Bone-fire :

Sounds hot? NOT AT ALL!

U’re sooo skinny and captured with your sissiest pose, topless/naked, dan tulang elu dimana-mana. Mana ada yang posenya ala cover box susu L-Men pula.

U think those are muscle and packs, baby? Please, go buy men’s health magazine.

With that body, I’d rather go fur than naked! (nantang quote nya PETA =p)

 

Udah cukup ya kita disejajarin sama waria pinggiran. Padahal kita cuman gay, yang ga ada pikiran sama sekali buat jadiin dada ukuran sentosa.

Udah cukup juga banyak psycho macam Ryan, dan banci-banci salon yang ngebunuh kliennya, dan headline berita di media “Mereka Gay, Lelaki kemayu, Psycho!”

Damn! I am gay, but I don’t kill people!

Udah cukup juga kita dijadiin phobia oleh salah satu komunitas situs terbesar di Indonesia. Mereka bahkan punya emoticon sendiri buat bangsa kita, dan mereka menyebut kita MAHO! (and I still browse that site every single day, I love it, hope they do not find me as MAHO, bisa di blakclist!)

Don’t tell this words, “It’s me, it’s myself. Cara gua mengkespresikan diri.”

Oh yeah brother? From what i see, elu cuma ngerendahin diri elu sendiri sampe ke jurang paling dalem. And I don’t give a damn about yourself and your expression. It affects the whole gay team!

Look, I don’t hate u. I just hate the way u act and think. That’s all.

 

Lalu saya bilang sama senior itu, “Ko.. I am still sane.”

“Good boy!” bilangnya sambil mengerlingkan mata kanan.

By.C

Chapter 15 : Au Revoir, Monster

February 16, 2010

Homophobia

It was a nice and quiet, our evening tea at maroonsofa. “Eh ada si Lilith noh, Keith! Lagi milih shortcakes di etalase.”

Keith diam saja, keliatannya si ELLE lebih membuat matanya terpaku deh. “Hmm.. sama cowo ‘bulky body’ ga dia?” kami manggut.

“Biarin aja. Pura-pura ga kenal.”

“Kok gitu?” dari tadi si Cyrrus udah ga sabar ngehampirin si Lilith, udah 3minggu itu anak ga balas satu text pun ke dia. Padahal enggak ada kejadian apa-apa lho!

“Cuz she wants to…” jawabnya ringan.

Tahu-tahu si Cyrrus udah disana, menyapa si Lilith yang kelihatannya malah jadi tambah kikuk. Aduh itu bencoooong! Asal ngeblas aja, si Keith jadi panik sampai ikut kesana.

“Mas, itu dua shortcakes-nya nanti aja deh, saya balik lagi sorean..” Lalu dia terburu sambil sedikit didorong-dorong si cowo bulky itu. Keith hanya diam berbalik badan, cuma kami berdua yang cuma bisa melongo.

“Just tell me that Lilith’s newest boyfriend is not a homophobe..”

“As u see, Chris…”

Kok saya tiba-tiba jadi merasa kaya “rejected item” begini yah. Engga ada salah apa-apa sama tuh Bulky, flirting juga enggak, enggak tau sifat kita juga, tapi kok ya langsung judgmental gitu.

Swear ! I feel like a rejected item ! Kaya tas LV yang cetakannya ga simetris dan every buyer says NO ! Padahal asli !

Hei Bulky, even if we’re the last men standing on earth, I wont get fucked by you. Coz I know, in the end, u will be begging me to be fucked by u!

 

 

Heterophobia

Cuman Cyrrus yang setuju dengan rencana memboikot hubungan Lilith dan si Bulky. “I want her back!”

Tapi Keith cuma bilang, “I just want her to be happy. Katanya, itu cowo yang bisa bikin dia senyum tiap bangun.” Si Keith kok jadi begini ya. Lilith itu kan tetangganya, his lost sister, his twin in another life, Lilith itu sepatu kirinya dia.

“I still have u guys. If u ever leave me by now, I swear to God I’ll go to hookerville and get a whore with the biggest boobs to have sex with!” serem ih anceman dia.. Ga main-main lohh tiap kali ini anak nyeplos.

“Gua benci orang straight.” Kata Cy tiba-tiba.

“Mereka selalu berhasil membuat kita berasa kaya mahluk aneh. The way they stare at us, the way they raised their eyebrows.. Kenapa sih segitunya.” I don’t know baby Cy. Mungkin mereka jijik sama kita. Mungkin mereka.. I don’t know!

“I hate them since they've never asked me to join their soccer team at junior high school.” Kata Keith.

“I hate them coz they were always mocking me as the sissy boy, even when i got full straight A’s on my report.” Cyrrus nambahin.

“I hate them coz they already hate us even when we just breathe.” tutup saya.

“Damn.. now we are officially lost our one little girl. The best girl in our life.”

“Mau bagaimana lagi, Cy…”

 

Si Mas kasir tiba-tiba ngehampirin kita. “Koh Keith, ini jadi dibikinin enggak satu loyang seasonal fruits cake-nya?”

Keith manggut. “Iya jadi. Kalo udah, dikirimin ke alamat ini ya. Ini dua ratus ribu, kembaliannya buat ongkos kirim plus uang rokok elu. Thx Mas.”

Kami diam, mencoba mencerna apa yang terjadi disini. “Don’t tell me  that I don’t care about Lilith even if she tried to hate me now..”

Enggak ada 5menit, saya enggak sengaja baca status facebook terakhir si Keith.

KEITH WANG : “Losing u is like losing my half heart. The beat will never be the same again.. Enjoy ur favorite cake, my Monster.”

(a minute a go)

 

By.C