Rabu, 28 September 2011

Chapter 59 : Que Sera Sera

26 September 2011
The Future.
“He is my future…” Jawab Chang sambil mengelus lembut kepala Brody yang tertidur di pangkuannya.
Saya masih gak ngerti, Peter Chang yang begitu obsesif dan agresif soal karirnya tiga tahun lalu, sekarang sudah berubah drastis. “You gave up your world for him?” tanya saya lagi.
“All my life, I’ve been chasing my future, luckily I nailed it. I realized that I’m getting older, not younger. I’m forty-five for god’s sake. Then came the biggest question I ever had in my life : what’s next?”
“Him?" tunjuk saya. "How?” tanya saya, masih belum menemukan jawaban yang saya mau.
Chang tergelak sambil menyesap espresso-nya. “Life is a surprise. It always is. Brody datang disaat saya sibuk bertanya pada diri sendiri. Di saat kami saling membutuhkan. Di saat dia dibuang dari dunianya bersamaan dengan saya yang ingin membuang dunia sebelumnya.”
Chang membelainya lagi. “Seumur hidup saya berjuang demi kehidupan yang lebih baik. Sekarang waktunya untuk memberinya kehidupan yang lebih baik. Menjadi rangkapan dua sosok yang tak pernah dikenalnya. Mendedikasikan dan meletakkan semua masa depan saya ke hidupnya.”
Saya jadi ikut membelai Brody. “Would u like to have one someday?” tanyanya. Dan pertanyaan itu pun Menghantui saya hingga beberapa menit kemudian.

Dear Jade.
Dear my future Jade. My future daughter. Do I really want you, someday?
To be honest, you’re not on top of my list, not on my wish list, and not even in my future picture.

But if I had you…
I’d give up my whole world for you, completely. For you, only you.
I’ll let you sit and watch you pray in silence, pray to the Mighty God, letting you choose your own religion.
I’ll sit, waiting for you in family room then hugging you at the 101st day after for the 100th days you becoming a little brat teenager. Then all I can say is, “It’s all forgiven. You’re still my little girl.”
I’ll rub your fully loaded belly and let you sleep on my lap.
I’ll smile. Widely. Every time I see you, I'll smile, even if I'd had a bad day.
I’ll give you everything you need, but not everything you want. Cuz Jade, everything you want is not everything you need.
My happiest moment would be your piano recital day (or maybe your wedding day). Or maybe when you kiss my forehead without any reason.
My saddest moment will be the “I hate you, Daddy! I hate you!” line. And when you don’t talk to me without telling me any reason.
And whether you are gay or not, it would not make any difference to me. My love for you will exactly be the same.
Love. I might not be able to find my true love, ever. But I’ll give you my true love, the unconditional love. And slowly I’ll teach and show you what love is.
My love for you will be like a flood.
And Jade… I'd had never won any trophy nor medals, but you are more than a trophy to me.

Let it Be.
Saya masih bengong ketika telunjuk saya ditangkap jemari Brody kecil. Mungkin membiarkannya memainkannya adalah pilihan bijak. “Kamu mau coba gendong dia, Chris?”
“Ermmm…. Boleh. Why not.” Gagap saya sambil memangku anak umur tiga tahun itu.
“Uncle uncle uncle.” Senyumnya lebar sambil mencoba mencium jemari saya. Sebuah salam kenal darinya barangkali.
“Chang, suatu hari kamu bakal bilang ke dia tentang adopsi ini? tentang orangtuanya yang junkie? Tentang… Semuanya?”
Chang menaikkan bahunya. “Que sera sera, Chris. Whatever will be, will be.”
Lalu seakan Brody menangkap lirik itu. Bergumam kecil terpatah sambil berusaha menyanyikan sebait liriknya untuk kami.
“When I was just a little boy
I asked my Father ‘What will I be?’
Will I be handsome? Will I be rich?
Here’s what he said to me…
Que sera, sera.
Whatever will be, will be.
The future not ours to see
Que sera, sera…
Whatever will be, will be.”
--
Saya berkaca-kaca. I remember that song, it was my childhood anthem!
“Thanks Little handsome Brody. Uncle Chris loves you.” Kecup saya ke dahinya.
Ah and Jade, I’ll teach you that song. Totally


by.C