CHAPTER 22 : MENTAL MASTURBATION

12 april 2010

 

“Arrhh- Ouuggcch! HAARGH! Errrgh…!! YEAAAAH! Hufh… Hufh.. Oh God!! MANTABBB!!”

Dan Cyrrus melongo. Apa barusan itu? 

And why was suddenly his dick getting so hard after that Bulky Hunk finished his Incline-Chest session?

“Oh Lord.. if a dick had earthquake, would it be called a dickquake?”

“Dan elu berani-beraninya ya hard-on di gym! Dicky-Dick! Down! Now!” tunjuk Keith pada si pipit Cyrrus.

Tapi Cyrrus tetap memandanginya. “Baby Cy, an erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think about it, the harder it gets. Now imagine me blowing your itchy-bitchy-dicky-dick !!” bisik saya. 

Dan magically pipitnya langsung ciut. Homo keparat !!

“Perlu ya itu Koko segitunya kalo ngegym? Mana suaranya juga mega-desibel pula lah. Ga ada tanggung jawabnya juga dia udah bikin turn on !!”

“What did u just said, Keith? Lu juga turn on gara-gara dia?”

“Forget it Cy ! Shower time !”

Duo Basterds!

--

Cyrrus can’t get over him. 

I heard, that Bulky Hunk plays as a sweating-sexy-shiny men in cyrrus’s jerk-off fantasy for two weeks in a row! EUCH CYRRUS! EWWW !

“Well blame him, don’t blame me. His face is not so gorgeus lah, but his sexy voice? Super ! Paling enggak gua udah lihat wajah orgasmenya waktu nahan beban tadi sama suaranya waktu ngerang keenakan waktu nindihin gua. Aw aw aw !!” Then I stop chewing my sandwiches. I have lost my appetite !

“Would you stop that mental masturbation, horny-shitzu? Go to him, pick a line and seduce him to get on top of you !” tantang saya pada dia.

 “He’s straight, Chris. Straight as an arrow. He’s 30yo, doing thai boxing weekly, collecting vodka-bottles, racing is his hobby in leisure time. And he's got slut name FIANCEE-EH.”

“Geez, pake detektif mana elu, Cy?”

“Sometimes, we have to thank social networking. Facebook really helps when u are in desperate of anything.”

“So rite ! Even when u need some fuck buddies. You can make a deal on facebook.” Keith menambahi.

Sekali lagi, DUO BASTERDS !!

--

Dan kami bertiga lagi di gym itu.

Si duo basterds ngebantuin saya di chest-session. Enggak kuat kalo sendirian. Hari ini harus pake beban maksimal !!

“AHHH! ERGHH ! TAHAN! HARRGHH! “ it was too heavy for me !

“Aiiih Chris, stop frightening the horse ! Lebay !!”

 

BANGSATT !!

 

 

By. C

Chapter 21 : The Finish Line

8 April 2010

 

IT’S COMPLICATED

“Denger-denger, sekarang Ko Billy udah jadian ya sama Travis ?” saya confirm rumor itu ke Keith. Tapi Keith malah menganga super lebar.

“Jangan bilang elu belum get over him ya, Keith ! Gua tampol lu !”

Saya jadi belain si Travis waktu denger si Keith banding-bandingin dirinya sama Travis. 

In my eyes, Travis is : cute, smart, and has a good manner to seniors. He’s a good boy after all.

“Elu mau jalan bareng ama tuh anak ga, Keith? Gua ada janji mau nemenin dia ke Mall entar maleman..”

“Hon.. I would rather look his facebook than face his real-look.”

Lalu kami mengecek facebooknya. Travis Pang. Beberapa jam yang lalu dia barusan mengubah status facebooknya dari single menjadi IT’S COMPLICATED.

Tangan si Keith jadi gatel buat nge-comment : if your relationship status says, "It's complicated" then you should stop kidding yourself and change it to "Single" !

“Keith ! Hapus ga !! Itu anak enggak salah apa-apa ya !”

“Dan dia juga enggak bakal cari masalah kan sama gua? Easy, cupcake.”

Whatever lah !

 

 

IN RELATIONSHIP

Engga tau gimana, tau-tau Ko Billy telepon saya. Katanya Keith tengkar sama si Travis di gym sore barusan. I feel like “Haaaaah ??!!”

Jadi ceritanya si Keith tampar dia dua kali di locker-room. Tapi si Travis ga balas, soalnya dia tipe orang halus. Engga kaya temen saya yang asal-telen-ga-pake-kunyah itu. Ckckck..

“Please. I just don’t want Keith in my life anymore. I am so over it. Bisa Bantu kan?”

“Kenapa sih enggak bilang sendiri? Mungkin dia malah nurut sama kamu, Ko. Capek ah ngasih tau itu anak.”

“Udah, kamu pikirin cara lain deh. Kalo ketemu, kasih tau. Okay? Got to go now. Bye!” WHAT A BOSSY BASTARD! Paling males deh ikut-ikutan masalah orang ah!

Saya bbm si Keith :

C            :            Elu gampar anak orang ya? Ko Billy marah noh !

K            :            I DIDN’T SLAP HIM. I just firmly high fived his face!

C            :            Kebangetan lu yah. Minta maaf deh, beneran !

K            :            Eh buat apa yaaa. Enak aja ! WEEEEK ! =p

C            :            KALO GA, KO BILLY MAU GAMPAR ELU ! SERIUS !

Si Keith engga bales sih. Tapi engga yakin juga bakal percaya sama HOAX terakhir. Tapi jadi capek sendiri. Jadi kesel sendiri. Okay, bener-bener harus pake cara ini kayanya….

Hanya perlu setengah jam buat ngeliat bukti mengalahnya si Keith.

Keith Wang says, congratulation to my ex and his new BF. May happiness always comes with you guys. 

(5minutes ago)

I like-it !

Terus saya negliat status facebooknya si Billy.

Billy Han is in relationship with Travis Pang 

(20minutes ago)

 

By bbm setengah jam kemudian :

B            :            Thx ya Chris. I owe you one.

C            :            Be happy then. Don’t tell Keith! Don’t screw Travis !

B            :            I love him. I wont !

C            :            yea u may say ! got to go ! bye !

 

Sorry Keith… I owe you one..

 

By.C

Chapter 20 : Perfect Portrait

6 april 2010

Cyrrus has to reconsidering his modeling side-job after this photo session : FAMILY PORTRAIT SESSION. 

Once a year. Armageddon for him !

Harusnya ga jadi masalah sih di tahun-tahun sebelumnya. Sebelum akhirnya Kakak cowoknya tau kalo dia.. well.. DIFFERENT. Berita ini nyalur ke adiknya, terus Mamanya, terus Papanya.

And it will never be the same again for Cyrrus Danniel.

No more bear-hugging from his Daddy. No more poker-time with his brothers. Wallpaper kamarnya yang turquoise-blue diganti jadi Ivory-Classic sama Mamanya.

Dan kali ini : FOTO DENGAN BLACK SUIT, JUST LIKE HIS BROTHERS. AND NO MORE WHITE SUIT IN ANY FAMILY PHOTO SESSION.

“I’m fine ! But I am dead inside ! Kaya pemakaman aja pake jas item item di foto keluarga !” Cyrrus pantang nangis. Baginya, ini mungkin hukuman kecil. At least his parents still love him just the way they do. Nothing changes much. Cuma disiksa pelan-pelan aja.

“I do look like a frigid-ugly-duckling in black suit. I really do.” Katanya sambil ngeliatin hasil foto satu album. Kami manggut-manggut. I don’t see my Baby-Cy in those pictures.

 

----

Beda sama Mamanya Keith yang enggak bisa ditebak dari dulu. As u know, Keith’s Dad passed away since he was 5yo dan dia anak tunggal. Diantara mereka, seperti ada satu rule “Turn around, and do your own business.”

Waktu Mamanya batal tunangan, Keith diem. Waktu Mamanya ikut blind-date, Keith diem. Waktu Mamanya punya 3 pacar dalam satu moment, Keith diem.

Dan waktu Keith ngebahas tentang sexual-preference, his Mom was freezing for a minute.

“I don’t think you’re a homosexual, Keith. You just ran out of girls.” Keith menggeleng serius.

“Are you sure, my Tinkerbell ? You gay? Euchh..” Lalu mereka duduk bersama. Moment langka dalam keluarga kecil ini.

“Ya-iyalah Mam! I am so gay, sampe-sampe pernah naksir salah satu pacar mami!” Mamanya senyum kecut.

“Well. Shocking sih.. Tapi mau gimana lagi. Paling enggak Mama enggak bakal shock suatu hari Mama didatengin cewe yang ngaku kamu hamilin. Oh! Haleluyaaa!”

“Halleluya back!” dan mereka berpelukan.

“U are gay! What’s the worst case u may have? Just Syphilis! Dan jangan ajak mami ke dokter ya kalo kamu kejangkit ! Hihihi.” Mamanya jadi girang setengah mati. Keith jadi amit-amit.

“And honey, Mama is wondering,  How gay people do the sex?”

“Mom. Stop holding my hands, turn around, and do your own business! Ntar Keith pinjemin bokepnya aja dah.”

 

------

“I still love my Mom, My Dad, My Brothers, however. I just can’t stop loving them.” Kata Cyrrus. Black-Coffee ketiganya. Artinya dia bit depressed.

 “You can always find family in your friends. You can find better brothers in your queer-fellas, and you can find warmer hug inhere, your inner circle.” Bisik saya pada dia sambil memeluknya.

“Can we stop this melodrama? Let’s take our picture!” Putus Keith.

 

-The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don't.

But in the end, they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself-

 

 

By.C

Chapter 19 : Wake-up Call !

March 12, 2010

 

Truth hurts, Truth heals..

Menurut kami, Jeff adalah pacar yang baik. 

Nyempetin ke kontrakan BF-nya tiap sabtu buat bantu bersih-bersih, sekalian bawa hasil laundry seminggu lalu, dan masak sementara BF dia masih sibuk main Wii.

BF nya digosipin selingkuh sana-sini, dia cuek, tetep enggak percaya kalo belum ngeliat pake mata sendiri.

Ketahuan diselingkuhin sekali, dimaafin dengan mudahnya.

Ketahuan diselingkuhin dua kali? Malah dia yang diputusin. 

Cowo elu itu gila ya, Jeff? Cari yang kaya apa sih?

Jeff masih menangis di hadapan kami. “Gua ini kurang apa sih, elu-elu pikirin coba..”

Keith >> kurang waras sih kalo gua bilang.

Cyrrus >> itu mulut minta gua kerokin ke aspal panas ya, Keith?

Keith >> ya gimana coba! Elu juga sih Jeff, terlalu lemah. Apa tadi alasan dia mutusin elu? Oh! Mau coba dulu jadi straight? Sekalian mau konsen ke proyek kerjaan dia? 

BULL TO-THE-SHIT !!

Gua >> Explain it, bigmouth !

Keith >> He just.. Don’t love u no more ! Truth hurts, baby. Sorry.

Jeff  >> Well, at least tell me a bit more gently, Keith ! Huh !

Keith >> Well, fragile-Jeff, I’m not ur Mother. 

I AM YOUR WAKE UP CALL ! RING-DING-DONG !!

 

Saya jadi mikir, iya juga sih. 

Rata-rata orang putus, pake alasan udah ga cocok lagi lah, udah beda visi lah, saling sibuk lah.

CAN U JUST TELL ME THAT U DON’T LOVE ME ANYMORE ???

IF THERE’S NO LOVE ANYMORE BETWEEN US, 

BUKANNYA LEBIH MUDAH NGOMONG LANGSUNG ??

SAY IT !! FACING OUR FACE !!

DON’T DO ANY BULLSHIT CONVERSATION TO US !

At least kita jadi berhenti mikir apa yang salah dari diri kita berbulan-bulan kedepan. 

Truth hurts, but truth heals u faster !

 

Cyrrus >> I … Agree, actually. I never get dumped by a guy, but when I dump a guy, the reason is… I'm just not into him anymore!

Keith >> See ?? How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he’s lost ?? Damn, sometimes we are turning into chicken when it comes to breaking up !

Jeff  >> Tapi gua udah berkorban banyak, elu tau enggak !

Gua  >>  Well, gua rasa investasi cinta elu udah anjlok ke angka NOL sekarang. U got zero. Sekarang, tutup pabrik elu, and welcome cute single hunks and brand new products !!

Nangisnya Jeff jadi enggak deras lagi setelah chit-chat kami barusan di pojokan café.

Gua  >> No tears for bad lover, Baby-Jeff. (hug..)

Paling enggak kelihatannya si Jeff jadi lega sedikit.

Udah enggak lagi mengutuk dirinya sendiri, kurang ini-kurang itu.

 “Oh dear, I think i need some Singapore Sling. Let’s hit the bar! The bill on me!”

 

By. C

Chapter 18 : Kinky Fantasy

March 1st, 2010

(dedicated to the kinkiest-BDSM lover- Mr.Jo-Chan)

Fabrice duduk di kursi 2+2 kami sambil menceritakan betapa sex terakhirnya begitu menyiksa. “I thought handcuffs was kinky and sexy, tapi kalo pas diborgol dan elu mepet tembok terus pejantan elu tetep nyeruduk tanpa henti. Guess what happened ?”

“What? BDSM always sexy in your fantasy kan ?” kata saya.

“Enggak kalo kepala elu kebentur2 tembok bermenit-menit sementara pejantan elu merem aja dan mengira AH-UH-AH elu itu pertanda enak. Gua berasa kaya disiksa ibu tiri !!”

Keith ngakak, “The pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable, baby !! I always hate BDSM !”

“Tau gitu gua kan ML pake tangan aja, Keith !”

“Masturbation is only for desperate and pathetic people, Hon.”

“Well, at least the good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it!!!” tambah saya.

“Kenapa fantasy elu kudu kinky sih, Fab? Wig, scarf, handcuffs. What’s next? Feather?” Cyrrus jadi bergidik sendiri.

Fabrice jadi sumringah, “Been there, done that ! Well recommended !”

Cyrrus tambah ngeri, “Euch Fab.. Euchhh..”

“Baby Cy, Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken. That’s me, kinky! U have to try feather!” Fab tak terima kalau Kinky dinilai aneh. Bagi dia, fantasy orang kan beda-beda.

Tapi kami jadi ngeri sama ini botti, mau gituan aja pake alat-alat sama skenario duluan. 

What’s next ? Naugty salesman with big-batik book and slutty customer? LoL

“It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the dogs.” Tambah Fabrice lagi. 

Kami ngakak. Way to go, sister!

--- 

Fabrice kembali ke topik semula. “Jadi, gua mutusin buat enggak ML lagi sama si sexy hunky Koh Jim itu.”

Cyrrus merengut, “Moron! Gua aja rela kalo seluruh tubuh gua ditimpa atau dijedotin. He’s a catch!”

“But the sex was bad ! He’s so selfish in sex ! Abis cum, langsung ke pantry, minum beer terus mandi. And me ? Still stuck with my handcuffs ! That butthead, erghh !!”

Cyrrus memainkan matanya tak percaya si sexy hunky Jimmy itu segitunya. Coba aja Cyrrus type dia. Ngelayanin fantasy si Jimmy ML di dalam kardus bekas kulkas juga ayuk aja. “Stupid you, Fab.”

“Listen to me Baby Cy, There's nothing better than good sex.  But bad sex?  A  peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex.”

Kami setuju kalau itu!

 

By.C

 

Chapter 17 : Bad Publication!

March 10, 2010

 

I am in RAGE!

Gara-gara waktu lagi gym, temen-temen pada rame di bbm ngomongin cover-story  gay nite yang minggu lalu kami datangin di sebuah club.

Disitu rasanya kaum kami seperti di-diskreditkan. Seolah-olah kami ini melanggar semua norma di dunia gitu ya. Sampe dipojokin sebegitunya. Kaya party-nya buka-buka an aja. Masuk iklan billboard aja kagag !

Emang kenapa kalo ada gay party? Kena charge apa?? Kena pasal ayat berapa? Ga ada kan?

Mendingan itu ‘pervert journalist’ ngebahas rencana rancangan undang-undang “DILARANG GAY PARTY” dulu deh, baru silahkan mojokin kita.

And who are you? The one and the only normal person on this earth ??

Mr.Journalist, can u describe what normal is ? Why should be normal ? Since when abnormal becomes a sin ?

And geez, bahasa anda itu ya, amatiran banget. Nulis lagu JAI HO aja jadi JAI HOE. Mungkin maksud dia lagu “cangkul-cangkul yang dalam”. Dan bahasa-bahasa lainnya, very veeery conservative (in negative way !).

Terus dia bahas kalo kita eksis di café-café tertentu.

So? Ga boleh? Jadi yang abnormal harus ke sanatorium atau minimal sudut jalan remang-remang gitu?

We pay the food, the service, and they are fine with it.

So the problem is in your head, kan? Who’s the moron in here, anyway?

Bad writing, Mr.Journalist ! You just write from what you see and from ur point of view only.

You are friggin shallow.

You better wait for ur turn, shut the door, and do your own business !!

 

Keith >> Kenapa sih ga yang lesbian-lesbian atau waria ajaaa gitu sekali-kali yang dibahas. Kenapa harus selalu binan ?

Cyrrus >> Oh lord be mercy! Pic kita dari belakang jadi cover story !

Chris >> SHITTTTT !!!! Those are our heads  !!!!

I think I know who did this ! That silent Men who sits behind us !

(Masih gondokan, masih shock lihat korannya sampe saat ini. That day, my parents couldn't find the newspaper cuz I’m hiding it.)

by.C